You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
