lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
