i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i think i just lost a toe
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
