His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Found your dick twin last night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
BRING THE BAGELS
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
