Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
