just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
