I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Randomize
