He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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