I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
