why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
