are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
