and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
