...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
