i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
