I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
not ubering you a puppy
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
