If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
