we have officially lost it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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