what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
