When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
