So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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