When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
