oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
