accomplished twins. life is a go
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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