I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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