if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My vagina just recognized that song.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
