it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
