sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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