im about as happy as oj after his trial
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
