After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
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