but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
