I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
