Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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