I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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