her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We need to get me chipped asap
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
