you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
