Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
