so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
