I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
