What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
