I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
sarcasm needs its own font
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
