Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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