Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
