Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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