The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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