Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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