I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Buhtt sex?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
