i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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