you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
