I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
