Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
